The Boy Who Became a Monster

How can you tell me you don’t believe in signs? You say your fickle heart forgot to fight. You say you were so tired of being tired and you say he tasted like cold coffee but you didn’t mind because you needed to wake up.
But can’t you see? There’s a funk in the air and a curse in our blood. I know you don’t believe in those kinds of things, but how else could I explain it? Love wasn’t made for families like us. We’re too hard to love, but so goddamn worth it. Everyone is just trying to look for an easy way around the ridges. Trying to tiptoe around jagged edges and callused skin. They wanted that quick fix.
I know you were so tired, kiddo but you have to keep that heart of yours protected, because love doesn’t come that easily for a kid from a cursed family. You see, they’re just trying to loosen that armor, trying to force their way in because they don’t understand the way you work. They don’t understand that love both creates and destroys. They don’t understand that love only destroys kids from cursed families.
He kissed you dizzy, but didn’t stop when your whole world was spinning. Planted sunflowers and daisies in your mind, but the sun couldn’t reach them. And when he spoke to you, honey dripped from his lips.
He made you the happiest and the saddest man. You missed him even when you were with him and you couldn’t take your eyes off him.
He burned, snorted, puffed and shot you up but the high you gave him wasn’t strong enough. And you still stuck around, kiddo. You thought you knew love but you didn’t until you met him. You thought you knew heartache but you didn’t until you met him.
It’s been weeks since it ended and you still find pieces of him lodged in you like broken glass. If you keep crying, you’ll drown us all.
I guess what I’m trying to say, kiddo, is that this pain you’re feeling is probably because of a broken heart or maybe it’s heartburn. Acid reflux is a lot like heartache, things you’d like to stay down start coming back up. And it hurts. But don’t confuse this emotional heartburn for love. It’s not love, it’s desperation. I know you’re trying so hard but you’re so tired. Just give it a break. This isn’t going to be a pattern. Don’t cultivate all your happiness in one person. Don’t be angry. Don’t forget all the happiness he’s given you and don’t forget all the sadness he’s given you. Learn from it.
You are not lost and you haven’t lost anything.

Fuck him. Get someone that wants you enough to give you a fucking text back. You know?
- cafai (via fhume)


i can’t take this any more but i will, 2011
David Schlaich (part of his ongoing cancer serie)

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